march 19, 2025

im using my 5 minute pomodoro break to blog but i cannot think of anything that has happened to me or anything that i have been thinking. maybe i will just say this: love your body and your friends to the max and dont forget to wear ur retainer and jump up and down ever so often and try to catch yourself when judging because that is someones child and its so simple but when i think this i see arms around all of me and i see my arms around all of you and i really mean it when i say that love is the answer and all of this other stuff is just bullshit that will never equate to the love me and u hold.

ok im back it is my 2nd pomodoro break. i am studying for my calc 3 midterm and i realized a couple days ago that this is the last math midterm i will need to take in uni!! (i think). also i think i fucked up something in my github for this website and i cant push or pull to git anymore without it screaming at me. aka i cant publish this blog post. so if ur seeing this i fixed it !

march 18, 2025

there are some people that are just the most pure bright light that warms my face in a way not even the sun could. my friend katie is one of them. like wow what a joy.

^^^ have been listening to a buttload of ani difranco recently. all star ppl must set time aside for at least one angry feminist song a day. it keeps the mind grounded and the heart pure. i can recommend some ani difranco (obvi), cat power, martha wainwright, fiona apple, soko and maybe even gillian welch - idk if shes a feminist and shes not rlly angry but she is a woman.

peace and love as always my star ppl....

p.s. dont forget to call ur mother!!!!!!

march 17, 2025

1:10pm: im rlly good at staring off into space and twirling my hair. im also rlly good at making lists of the things i have to do. not so good at doing them tho. trying to change that.

3:04pm: just remembered i had a dream that i time travelled and accidentally saw myself from the outside and i was so weird looking... such bad juju i do not claim this.

march 15, 2025

waiting for the skytrain feeling pretty pooped from my all nighter. but nothing can stop me from getting my funk on! by funk i mean going to rowan's house and taking mush :P i made some banger progress on my blog this morning (4am-10am). it will be a real thing soon.

march 14, 2025

3:01pm: omg star ppl i am so mfking focused im as sharp as a knife. listening to "Box Fan - Low Speed, Black Screen" on youtube rn so good tickles my brain in the right way... music is for the weak. but also maybe im the weak one cause sometimes i cannot read a sentence when i am listening to music. ok so im planning to lock in for like as long as i can, don't need sleep when i have my calculus and cpsc to hangout with. im going to update u guys on my where abouts in this journey. i keep needing to do this thing where i need to destroy my body for 3 days straight for a test because i don't pay attention in lecture. but also it is a fun game and challenge that i like to try. you know i like to push my limits to be the best me i can be. im like that yea. ok so the main battle is my calc 200 class. i have not been going to lecture and am about 4 weeks behind in content. i have a midterm on thursday (in 6 days) and have no idea wtf is happening. first though i have to finish my coding assignment. so rn im gonna try to finish that and then i can start my calculus battle. im actually kinda excited for my calculus battle. anyways ill update u. wish me luck xx.

9:03pm: what da hell. i spent like 4 hours on one coding question that probably would take the average person 30 minutes. feeling burnt out and annoyed asf i dont know what to do. also coco and the book of life have the same plot and dialogue like what da hellllllll.... now im finally starting math when i should have 2 hours ago. i am a little hungry im gonna try to eat something. i have so much shit to do but not that much time. ok wait lemme do the math its 9pm rn and i can work until 11am before i crash out so i have 14 hours of math. my plan for right now i think is to eat / break until 9:30pm and then start my calc textbook notes which will honestly probably take me 3-4 hours ok ill just make a list (yay!):

-schedule-------------------------------------- 9:10pm - 9:30pm -> eat 9:30pm - 1:00am -> textbook notes 1:00am - 3:00am -> webwork 7 3:00am - 10:00am -> textbook practice problems 10:00am - 12:00pm -> cpsc assignment finish 12:00pm -> curl up into rowan's bed -----------------------------------------------

11:14pm: i ate some eggs and toast and just finished my textbook notes!!! i am feeling a little anxious though... overthinking......

2:13am: hi im done my webwork. why did that take so long idk. feeling kinda hangry. might go to duffins. yea theres no way im gonna do more math rn i need a break.

4:29am: went to duffins and got a french vanilla and a sandwich with a name i mispronounced somehow. i did some more math but need to do way more but maybe not tonight... i kinda wanna see if i can make some changes on the blog layout.

march 13, 2025

9:50am: happy thursday. my hair is greasy and my body is hurting from my laziness. i dont know what to do!!! my degree is increasingly boring me and i cannot pay attention in any of my lectures like not even french for god's sake. i wake up late and the apartment is a mess and i should rlly delete twitter. like rlly i cannot do it anymore all the ppl being hateful is rlly grinding my gears or whatever ppl say. i have a bio midterm in 1 hour and i didn't rlly study all that much but i cannot bring myself to care. I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME!! pray for me my beautiful star ppl and i will do the same for u. xxxxxxxxxx * infinity for u all

4:29pm: hai my ppl. a day can turn around and flip and fly like a seal in the sea. mine just did. not out of some extraordinary moment but of a slow and sure trying on my part. i cleaned my whole house and i am so excited for gaia to get home and see the kitchen clean. she deserves so much she is working so hard. i just remembered that johnny cash wrote "a girl in saskatoon" and i listend to it 3 times. i also remembered how much i love cat power like i love her so much i want to kiss her soul and gobble up all her songs. anyways i am going to the bar tn but im rlly just looking forward to coming home and laying in my clean sheets. and maybe having some tea and reading the book gaia gave me. tomorrow i need to do one million billion hours of school which is ok. it is ok. i will be ok. p.s. i got a new agenda #freshstart #springcleaning or something like that. p.p.s. check out this song: 'lived in bars' by cat power

march 12, 2025

hi farts. should be studying rn but rlly just want to blog.

^^^ check out these boots i got today.

march 11, 2025

hi star people!! i am alive and well. hanging out with my peeps atm.

hey everyone this is rowan! im so happy to finally be speaking to you star people directly. i hope that all the love i am sending you though this message is reaching your hearts and that your day is filled with sunshine.

gangsta gangsta, how are the gang mambers doing tonight, ya'll boolin or just plain foolin ya know what im sayin?????? Anywasy, A LOT has happened in the past hour, 7000 people have died, 15000 babies were born, and Polina and i bleached are freaking hair say whattttttt. LESSON OF THE DAY: veiw everying with as much perspective as possible. peace out gang affiliated members have a great night. (-fynn)

january 22, 2025

in french class. the cat came back yesterday and she brought me smiles and sunshine. i slept through my philosophy class this morning. wrote in my journal on the bus and saw an old friend. these are the days for new and old friends. and when im looking at my feet sunlight trickles into the bus and strokes my face and arms. the spring lifts my cheeks into a smile and i smile.

january 21, 2025

11:46am - in bio class. i saw marcus macgregor td. he gave me "Found Any Shoggoths Yet?", brought up some good points but the song he recommended isn't my jam. 5:01pm - met this girl i have met a million times before but cannot ever remember her name. then when she said it AGAIN i said 'eiko! like ecco2k!!!' and she did not get it. sad moment. i talked to my mum freaking out about my future and my major earlier td. that was fun. i am going to hangout with my new friend (??!) and it is feeling very datey so we will see how that goes. i borrowed gaia's jacket which is actually dex's borrowed jacket and it is very warm and nice.

january 20, 2025

10:03pm - in french class, i woke up 15 minutes before i had to catch the bus and i was 10 minutes late to philosophy. i am very hungry. me and gaia are having a bug party on saturday and i am very stressed about hosting.

'i could see my half moon in your reflection' the days are eating eachother and i cannot keep up. i wish for tomorrow and leave today behind and i trip on my feet while running for the bus and curse the one who tripped me.

january 18, 2025

freedom is cooking in my underwear, the stream we visited today, the way we danced last night, the way we will dance tonight, the way that i feel when im alone. me and polina looked out of the back of the car the whole way there and back. the sun turned the mountains orange then pink then blue. me and rowan watched the mothers lead their children and promised to do the same. she found a dog tag with her daughters name on it a couple steps later. it is all so beautiful and i do not know how to hold it. because every time i try it slips through. like the creek we skipped rocks on. like the wind. the cut on my ankle turned the beads of my anklet pink. and i listened so hard to the sound of the forest knowing. and i read the poem i wrote a year ago twice. trying to make sense of all the missing. she drew me in the window frost. i drank tea from my favourite mug. i am trying.

january 17, 2025

omgeeee farts i have so much to tell u! i did get all of my bio done but am no where closer w my cpsc homework but that’s all good… accidentally went to a show last night that i was just gonna walk my friend to. so many pretentious men with mod haircuts and funny jackets and cigarettes. put sugar in my coffee this morning cause sometimes this bitter gal needs some sweetness in her life.

january 16, 2025

11:25am: in my bio class. have been thinking and trying my hand at forgiveness and letting go. i find it rlly helps to believe the argument that free will does not exist. so, if i had one's experiences and dna i would act the same way so who am i to judge. it is hard tho because it is always a balance of protecting my peace and forgiveness. today i am wearing my jean skirt with my yoga pants under them and rowan's 'babette ate oatmeal' shirt and alice's fur hat. i am trying to forgive for myself mostly. i am tired of wasting energy on the hating and rumination. i am trying to live for now now now but it is so hard.

1:59pm: have been thinking about the way my mind moves through thoughts like the animal trails i see in the forest. each track is so subtle and barely visible to me but to my mind creatures they are home. although how pretty of an image this is these paths make up a web of loops and spirals that are fairly destructive. i am trying to pave new paths but i am going about it clumsily as humans do.... i am totally 100% procrastinating all of my work by blogging so i must go... these are the to dos: - read pages 190-210 of plato's the republic - bio quiz #1 - bio worksheet #3 - cpsc assignment final coding Q i'll let u star people know if i finish them....

january 14, 2025

in forestry with my girl alexie rn. we are going to the ivanhoe tonight for beer and karoake and pool and i am euphoric. yesterday i went climbing and did a hatha yoga class and on the way home hit up nofrills. i then made a quinoa salad and ate a whole carton of strawberries with whipped cream while watching 'crazy stupid love' with ryan gosling and emma stone (HOT!). it was a good day. peace and love my star people!!

january 12, 2025

hey farts. this is my blog and deal with it. just went on a spiritual metaphysical meditative journey with my bestie rowan yesterday. today we went to the beach and got mexican food and made a long list of things to optimize our blip on dis earth. here are the highlights: - go climbing - beach - microdose - buy fruit and eat somewhere cool - rave - breakfast party - go see polina at her house - jazz night - go somewhere and take off your shoes and socks - just take off your shoes and socks in general - stick n pokes - jam with whatever instruments - braid hair - play dress up - do some crazy makeup - fart - scare friends anyways... peace and love star people.. give this album a listen: 'a little disaster' by pearly drops