april 3, 2025

11:20am: i lost my airpod case on the bus and ran into a friend. she had an eyelash on her cheek and we shared the wish. 10 minutes later i found my airpod case. it turns out that she wished for me to find it and i wished for her wish to come true. it all worked out in the end! and we went on our merry way.

11:58pm: lowkeyys was just hittign this in the clurb:

or maybe a little bit of this:

april 2, 2025

hello my star people i love u. i know i say it a lot but it is kind of in the hopes that u actually internalize it. love is everywhere - i found a sewn heart at the free store and maybe i will pin it to my bag or maybe i will give it to a friend. who knows! love is free and its crazy because it is the most beautiful thing. maybe i sound like some crazy hippie but it makes me feel better about this whole thing. i have my philosophy at 9am every second day and it makes me very existential. he was talking about if there was a beginning to the universe or not and i couldn't stop thinking about how my clothes came into being and where the atoms were before this compilation. i made a pencil case out of scraps of old clothes yesterday and now i can't stop imagining where this pencil case will go when i am dead.

i think if my computer science prof listened to one of my playlists he would divorce his wife and leave the church.

ok maybe i was being dramatic.. but speaking of music i just spent the past two hours listening to one million different folk albums to try to give myself some new sounds to chew on. and i know i shouldn't be limiting myself to folk but i really just love the raw raw strumming of a guitar and i get mad when i hear production getting their grubby hands all up in the natural sound. anyways i couldn't rlly find a new mind warping album to hyperfixate on. i do rlly like MJ lenderman tho. sucks that i didnt go see him when he came through town. but maybe u stars are looking for new music so here u go:
heavy metal by cameron winter it's a goodin. prettttyyyyy strange tho i ain't gonna lie. a good foot in the door song to this album is 'love takes miles'. but then some of the stuff further down in the album gets awesome and freaky and like wtf is bro saying!! there was a series of a couple days that the only song i could listen to on the bus was 'nina + the field of cops'. anyways give it a listen or whatever... i don't even care....

april 1, 2025

april fools! / white rabbits!

i just got sucked down a david lynch youtube rabbit hole and i must say it was grand. i am especially interested in the transcendental meditation he talks about (or talked about RIP!). meditation really is something that is so magical. anyways.. i think that magic should have a 'j' in it don't u think? the letter j is so magical, it might be the most magical letter in the alphabet. so shouldn't it deserve to be in the word magical? majical. MAJICAL. it doesn't look quite right but it FEELS right. sry i digress yes meditation hmmm yes.... veryyy interesting... so interesting that i forgot what i was going to say..

what time is it in halifax? i must know because it is zia's birthday on the 2nd and i want to wish them a very happy birthday. oh it is 1:48am in halifax well into the birthday. i will send a text.

let me show u star people my favourite gif atm:

if a picture speaks a thousand words, a gif speaks one million. so much emotion and meaning. these cats captivate me and remind me how beautiful life is when ur hanging out with ur pals on a fence type lookin thing just shootin the shit.

i have been thinking a lot about my sexuality and im just gonna leave it at that because i dont like to get too personal with u star people despite how much i love u. but it just comforts me that adrianne lenker married a man and now is dating women and is queer. i used to think that something as fundamental as attraction and sexuality is something one knows immediately in one's self but that is really not the case. many lesbians date or even marry men before coming to terms with their sexuality (im not saying i am a lesbian just that that is interesting). (i am also not saying i am not a lesbian).... (u know what i mean)....

goodnight my lovely beautiful majical star people oh stop it ur making me blush!!!!!! xxxxxxxxx

p.s. i just remembered i forgot to eat dinner.... maybe thats why i felt the need to eat 5 bowls of mini wheats...

p.p.s. OH MY GOD GUYS!!!!!!! THE BLOG EPIDEMIC HAS SPREAD!!!! 3 PEOPLE!! 3 PEOPLE I KNOW HAVE MADE BLOGS IN THE WAKE OF MEFROM5TO7'S LAUNCH!! BLOGGERS UNITE!!

march 31, 2025

oh my god everyone do the wordle rn.... (spoilers: it was BOOTY)

hi star people! i just sewed for 2 whole blissful hours and finished normal people. while surfing the web just now (as one does) i stumbled upon a tanya davis poem! she is this awesome poet from PEI, i listened to her album "clocks and hearts keep going" over the summer and it changed me life ! i even have it's title written above my keyboard on my laptop where all important phrases go so u know it is serious. just found out that she is gay! which i did not know before. i was listening to a poem on youtube and was like wow this person sounds exactly like tanya davis how weird... and it was! alexie was talking about consuming more art and i think i need to do the same. and maybe YOU star people need to consume more art.... i'll get u started: "eulogy for you and me" by tanya davis (song) "how to be alone" by tanya davis (poem)

march 30, 2025

1:23am: i need to learn my lesson and stay HOME when i am feeling tired. i cannot wait to be an old woman in bed by 8pm every night. i will knit hats for the neighborhood children and mail my friends detailed letters about my trips to the doctor and the grocery store. ok but serious question: do u think tiktok will be around for forever? like will this generation be scrolling when we are old as the hills??? ok bye i need to maybe try to sleep.

7:02pm: i had the most blissful day. alexie and i went to stanely park and collaged in the forest and ate icecream and watched the dogs and their owners gallop around and had a grand ol' time. the sun was out and my body has that lovely exhaustion that only comes from a day well spent.

at the cafe today a mother came up to me to say she loved my whole look. i am wearing a very mum outfit: cropped blue jeans with my blue and white striped smock overtop, my orange wool cardigan and clogs.

march 29, 2025

goodmorning my star people. i am having a very nice and slow morning here in farrenland. i made some french toast and wrote a poem about it and now i am eating the french toast. looking through my old journal from spring '23 to summer '24 and my writing is so different. i kinda like it. i forgot i made a list of rules for myself back then, i don't agree or connect with some of them anymore but here they are, RULES: (1) never wait to jump in cold water (2) when in doubt, move ur body! (3) if angry - eat (4) labels restrict (5) comparison is the thief of joy (6) gratefulness - "you are the luckiest girl" (7) know your limits don't know your limits (8) human connection is necessary (9) tell people you care about that you care (10) art is emotion + necessary (11) everyone is a product of their environment (no judgment) (12) look at the full moon (but not for too long) (13) cartwheels for happiness (14) dance (15) messy room = messy mind (16) everything takes work - even love (17) poems are not for others' ears (18) nothing is a space to hold

are u an artist? think about that for a bit. personally i think we all are. i do agree with (10), art is emotion and necessary. i think it is hume maybe that said we are all bundles of perceptions. i think we are a bundle of emotions and we need to put them somewhere. that somewhere is art!

i have been rewatching normal people in my spare time. and i am so much like connell. how he doesn't know how to feel or what he wants ever.

march 27, 2025

hi farts. youtube video of the day: the REVOLUTION STARTS with the ARTS called my friend rowan (saskatoon rowan). i love this girl so much we have been through the depths of hell together.

march 26, 2025

word of the day: shmuck

hi star people! im seeing FROG tonight. FROG as in the band FROG, creator of count bateman and GROG. i think they are two brothers but maybe that is not tru...... we will see. this is my vision:

march 25, 2025

hai guys. its past 12 so that means its the next day!!!!!! and i can make a new blog entry!!!!!!!!!!!!! when i blog i feel like that scene in the social network where jesse eisenberg is drunk blogging about how much he hates his ex gf. but like in a good way?? idk man.

its 3:28am!!!!!! i am feeling fine. everyone left me a while ago.. but i dont mind it that way.

5:48pm: i have decided to start centering art in my life more. art heals! speaking of art i have been rlly loving this irish artist saoirse moncrieff. check her out, her videos are so beautiful but raw. a breath of fresh air from the rest of the internet. i rlly need to delete twitter. i think it is the cause of this hopelessness and anger i have been carrying. ok i deleted it.

here's a quote of her's that i hold dear (read it in an irish accent): "...but also it is me trying to be loved and thats what we are all trying to do all the time just try and make people love us and thats just the biggest trick because we're already loved and we don't need to try and it's not something that we succeed or that's conditional or that's to be gained it's just there."

the people i love the most in this world don't give a flying fuck what others think. and that is the key. because all i want is to be loved but that is the only thing i actually have. ok that's all i have to say for tonight. wish me luck on my tests tmrw my sweet stars.

p.s. i need to find a new animal to hyperfixate on im running out of cat gifs

march 24, 2025

i think i need to hermit for the next 3 days. oh lawd. this is the final stretch of midterms but i have been doing this for this whole term. here are the things i am looking forward to doing when i am through this: - play stardew valley on the bus - start writing again - bike to the beach - start meditating again - start a new book - sit and listen to my cds - plan the alaska trip - make banana bread with the one black banana in my freezer - make my chickpea stew that i have been putting off making for the past 2 weeks i have to pull another all nighter tonight and i am not looking forward to it. but maybe this is my last one of this term (?)... probably not tho.

florist is so beautiful. if u star people have time to listen to an album i highly recommend 'emily alone' by florist. i first listened to it in february of last year and it truly swept me up in a big ol' hug when i needed it the most. and i need it now and florist is again here and i am so grateful. i am reminded of the ocean and of love and of myself when i didn't know that much but i knew enough to know that love is the be all end all. i love u all star people and when i look up into the sky i see us all dancing, don't stop dancing!

eating a spoon of peanut butter. it is 10:10pm.

ok now it is 11:14pm and i am making pasta (WHATTTTTTTT). i am going to breka ASAP to see my girl alexie.

march 23, 2025

hi farts. finally got my git repo to work. i need a reset, a reclaiming of my name. maybe just a book and a cup of tea.

march 19, 2025

im using my 5 minute pomodoro break to blog but i cannot think of anything that has happened to me or anything that i have been thinking. maybe i will just say this: love your body and your friends to the max and dont forget to wear ur retainer and jump up and down ever so often and try to catch yourself when judging because that is someones child and its so simple but when i think this i see arms around all of me and i see my arms around all of you and i really mean it when i say that love is the answer and all of this other stuff is just bullshit that will never equate to the love me and u hold.

ok im back it is my 2nd pomodoro break. i am studying for my calc 3 midterm and i realized a couple days ago that this is the last math midterm i will need to take in uni!! (i think). also i think i fucked up something in my github for this website and i cant push or pull to git anymore without it screaming at me. aka i cant publish this blog post. so if ur seeing this i fixed it !

march 18, 2025

there are some people that are just the most pure bright light that warms my face in a way not even the sun could. my friend katie is one of them. like wow what a joy.

^^^ have been listening to a buttload of ani difranco recently. all star ppl must set time aside for at least one angry feminist song a day. it keeps the mind grounded and the heart pure. i can recommend some ani difranco (obvi), cat power, martha wainwright, fiona apple, soko and maybe even gillian welch - idk if shes a feminist and shes not rlly angry but she is a woman.

peace and love as always my star ppl....

p.s. dont forget to call ur mother!!!!!!

march 17, 2025

1:10pm: im rlly good at staring off into space and twirling my hair. im also rlly good at making lists of the things i have to do. not so good at doing them tho. trying to change that.

3:04pm: just remembered i had a dream that i time travelled and accidentally saw myself from the outside and i was so weird looking... such bad juju i do not claim this.

march 15, 2025

waiting for the skytrain feeling pretty pooped from my all nighter. but nothing can stop me from getting my funk on! by funk i mean going to rowan's house and taking mush :P i made some banger progress on my blog this morning (4am-10am). it will be a real thing soon.

march 14, 2025

3:01pm: omg star ppl i am so mfking focused im as sharp as a knife. listening to "Box Fan - Low Speed, Black Screen" on youtube rn so good tickles my brain in the right way... music is for the weak. but also maybe im the weak one cause sometimes i cannot read a sentence when i am listening to music. ok so im planning to lock in for like as long as i can, don't need sleep when i have my calculus and cpsc to hangout with. im going to update u guys on my where abouts in this journey. i keep needing to do this thing where i need to destroy my body for 3 days straight for a test because i don't pay attention in lecture. but also it is a fun game and challenge that i like to try. you know i like to push my limits to be the best me i can be. im like that yea. ok so the main battle is my calc 200 class. i have not been going to lecture and am about 4 weeks behind in content. i have a midterm on thursday (in 6 days) and have no idea wtf is happening. first though i have to finish my coding assignment. so rn im gonna try to finish that and then i can start my calculus battle. im actually kinda excited for my calculus battle. anyways ill update u. wish me luck xx.

9:03pm: what da hell. i spent like 4 hours on one coding question that probably would take the average person 30 minutes. feeling burnt out and annoyed asf i dont know what to do. also coco and the book of life have the same plot and dialogue like what da hellllllll.... now im finally starting math when i should have 2 hours ago. i am a little hungry im gonna try to eat something. i have so much shit to do but not that much time. ok wait lemme do the math its 9pm rn and i can work until 11am before i crash out so i have 14 hours of math. my plan for right now i think is to eat / break until 9:30pm and then start my calc textbook notes which will honestly probably take me 3-4 hours ok ill just make a list (yay!):

-schedule-------------------------------------- 9:10pm - 9:30pm -> eat 9:30pm - 1:00am -> textbook notes 1:00am - 3:00am -> webwork 7 3:00am - 10:00am -> textbook practice problems 10:00am - 12:00pm -> cpsc assignment finish 12:00pm -> curl up into rowan's bed -----------------------------------------------

11:14pm: i ate some eggs and toast and just finished my textbook notes!!! i am feeling a little anxious though... overthinking......

2:13am: hi im done my webwork. why did that take so long idk. feeling kinda hangry. might go to duffins. yea theres no way im gonna do more math rn i need a break.

4:29am: went to duffins and got a french vanilla and a sandwich with a name i mispronounced somehow. i did some more math but need to do way more but maybe not tonight... i kinda wanna see if i can make some changes on the blog layout.

march 13, 2025

9:50am: happy thursday. my hair is greasy and my body is hurting from my laziness. i dont know what to do!!! my degree is increasingly boring me and i cannot pay attention in any of my lectures like not even french for god's sake. i wake up late and the apartment is a mess and i should rlly delete twitter. like rlly i cannot do it anymore all the ppl being hateful is rlly grinding my gears or whatever ppl say. i have a bio midterm in 1 hour and i didn't rlly study all that much but i cannot bring myself to care. I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME!! pray for me my beautiful star ppl and i will do the same for u. xxxxxxxxxx * infinity for u all

4:29pm: hai my ppl. a day can turn around and flip and fly like a seal in the sea. mine just did. not out of some extraordinary moment but of a slow and sure trying on my part. i cleaned my whole house and i am so excited for gaia to get home and see the kitchen clean. she deserves so much she is working so hard. i just remembered that johnny cash wrote "a girl in saskatoon" and i listend to it 3 times. i also remembered how much i love cat power like i love her so much i want to kiss her soul and gobble up all her songs. anyways i am going to the bar tn but im rlly just looking forward to coming home and laying in my clean sheets. and maybe having some tea and reading the book gaia gave me. tomorrow i need to do one million billion hours of school which is ok. it is ok. i will be ok. p.s. i got a new agenda #freshstart #springcleaning or something like that. p.p.s. check out this song: 'lived in bars' by cat power

march 12, 2025

hi farts. should be studying rn but rlly just want to blog.

^^^ check out these boots i got today.

march 11, 2025

hi star people!! i am alive and well. hanging out with my peeps atm.

hey everyone this is rowan! im so happy to finally be speaking to you star people directly. i hope that all the love i am sending you though this message is reaching your hearts and that your day is filled with sunshine.

gangsta gangsta, how are the gang mambers doing tonight, ya'll boolin or just plain foolin ya know what im sayin?????? Anywasy, A LOT has happened in the past hour, 7000 people have died, 15000 babies were born, and Polina and i bleached are freaking hair say whattttttt. LESSON OF THE DAY: veiw everying with as much perspective as possible. peace out gang affiliated members have a great night. (-fynn)

january 22, 2025

in french class. the cat came back yesterday and she brought me smiles and sunshine. i slept through my philosophy class this morning. wrote in my journal on the bus and saw an old friend. these are the days for new and old friends. and when im looking at my feet sunlight trickles into the bus and strokes my face and arms. the spring lifts my cheeks into a smile and i smile.

january 21, 2025

11:46am - in bio class. i saw marcus macgregor td. he gave me "Found Any Shoggoths Yet?", brought up some good points but the song he recommended isn't my jam. 5:01pm - met this girl i have met a million times before but cannot ever remember her name. then when she said it AGAIN i said 'eiko! like ecco2k!!!' and she did not get it. sad moment. i talked to my mum freaking out about my future and my major earlier td. that was fun. i am going to hangout with my new friend (??!) and it is feeling very datey so we will see how that goes. i borrowed gaia's jacket which is actually dex's borrowed jacket and it is very warm and nice.

january 20, 2025

10:03pm - in french class, i woke up 15 minutes before i had to catch the bus and i was 10 minutes late to philosophy. i am very hungry. me and gaia are having a bug party on saturday and i am very stressed about hosting.

'i could see my half moon in your reflection' the days are eating eachother and i cannot keep up. i wish for tomorrow and leave today behind and i trip on my feet while running for the bus and curse the one who tripped me.

january 18, 2025

freedom is cooking in my underwear, the stream we visited today, the way we danced last night, the way we will dance tonight, the way that i feel when im alone. me and polina looked out of the back of the car the whole way there and back. the sun turned the mountains orange then pink then blue. me and rowan watched the mothers lead their children and promised to do the same. she found a dog tag with her daughters name on it a couple steps later. it is all so beautiful and i do not know how to hold it. because every time i try it slips through. like the creek we skipped rocks on. like the wind. the cut on my ankle turned the beads of my anklet pink. and i listened so hard to the sound of the forest knowing. and i read the poem i wrote a year ago twice. trying to make sense of all the missing. she drew me in the window frost. i drank tea from my favourite mug. i am trying.

january 17, 2025

omgeeee farts i have so much to tell u! i did get all of my bio done but am no where closer w my cpsc homework but that’s all good… accidentally went to a show last night that i was just gonna walk my friend to. so many pretentious men with mod haircuts and funny jackets and cigarettes. put sugar in my coffee this morning cause sometimes this bitter gal needs some sweetness in her life.

january 16, 2025

11:25am: in my bio class. have been thinking and trying my hand at forgiveness and letting go. i find it rlly helps to believe the argument that free will does not exist. so, if i had one's experiences and dna i would act the same way so who am i to judge. it is hard tho because it is always a balance of protecting my peace and forgiveness. today i am wearing my jean skirt with my yoga pants under them and rowan's 'babette ate oatmeal' shirt and alice's fur hat. i am trying to forgive for myself mostly. i am tired of wasting energy on the hating and rumination. i am trying to live for now now now but it is so hard.

1:59pm: have been thinking about the way my mind moves through thoughts like the animal trails i see in the forest. each track is so subtle and barely visible to me but to my mind creatures they are home. although how pretty of an image this is these paths make up a web of loops and spirals that are fairly destructive. i am trying to pave new paths but i am going about it clumsily as humans do.... i am totally 100% procrastinating all of my work by blogging so i must go... these are the to dos: - read pages 190-210 of plato's the republic - bio quiz #1 - bio worksheet #3 - cpsc assignment final coding Q i'll let u star people know if i finish them....

january 14, 2025

in forestry with my girl alexie rn. we are going to the ivanhoe tonight for beer and karoake and pool and i am euphoric. yesterday i went climbing and did a hatha yoga class and on the way home hit up nofrills. i then made a quinoa salad and ate a whole carton of strawberries with whipped cream while watching 'crazy stupid love' with ryan gosling and emma stone (HOT!). it was a good day. peace and love my star people!!

january 12, 2025

hey farts. this is my blog and deal with it. just went on a spiritual metaphysical meditative journey with my bestie rowan yesterday. today we went to the beach and got mexican food and made a long list of things to optimize our blip on dis earth. here are the highlights: - go climbing - beach - microdose - buy fruit and eat somewhere cool - rave - breakfast party - go see polina at her house - jazz night - go somewhere and take off your shoes and socks - just take off your shoes and socks in general - stick n pokes - jam with whatever instruments - braid hair - play dress up - do some crazy makeup - fart - scare friends anyways... peace and love star people.. give this album a listen: 'a little disaster' by pearly drops